Last night dropped into As on way back from Sainsburys at about 6, as we had talked about going out last night and thought I would sort out a plan for the evening. Ended up staying till 1.30am. Didnt go to Duckie as had arranged with B and the Carols. For about 3 or 4 hours we had a combatory conversation about whether there was such a thing as historical development or not. A is adamant that the only thing that exists is conciousness and it has no history or future - it only exists in the present. Everything else is constructed by the mind. I argued that just as evolution applies to bodies, it also applies to culture (Richard Dawkins and memes) and it was illogical to accept one form of evolution but not the other. My argument that I was pleased that I lived in the 21st century and not the 15th as I may well have been roasted alive on a griddle iron did not convince. My argument that I would rather live in the 21st century because in the 15th century we wouldnt have had the mental architecture to have been able to have the conversation (chances are neither of us would have been able to read or have met anyone outside our village) didnt convince either. His belief about conciousness makes a conversation about it just another story - mere mental masturbation as he described it. In fact there is absolutely nothing that I can say that will persuade him otherwise.

What I could have said in retrospect is that if what he says is true there is no objective way he can prove it - anyone could legitimately say that his belief is just yet another construct. Damn, must try that out next time.

I said that if it was true that an individual had no 'agency', then it was pointless getting out of bed in the morning - my belief in my power to change things for the better gave meaning to my existence. I got quite messianic, talking about 'standing at the head of history with the whole evolution of ideas behind me, playing my tiny part in moving history a bit futher as the future stretches on before me'. A is fond of saying that the sadhus of India who lie in the road waiting for others to feed them are truly enlightened as they make no effort whatsoever, so I knew exactly what he was thinking when I said that !

Just as well that when we both finally admitted exhaustion and I said it was time to go, we hugged and he said he loved me. And strangely enough, I felt full of love for him too, even though I know that if it was anyone other than A I wouldn't give someone with those ideas the time of day. In many ways my relationship with A is the most mature one I have ever had. We couldnt be more unlike yet even in profound disagreement we grow closer.